Hungry Hungry Hippo

Some days you just want to stuff your face.

It usually includes an unhealthy amount of carbs, and in this case I decided on an unbelievably delicious pugliese loaf.

If you haven't ever tried this kind of bread, you should. It has a very distinct rustic taste, crunchy on the outside crust and soft on the inside. Kinda like a country boy.



I wanted to make some bruschetta Julie & Julia style, but couldn't find heirloom tomatoes anywhere- probably too early in the season. So then I just made my own kind of bruschetta.


I rubbed the bread with a garlic clove (the bread acts as a kind of grater and the flavour spreads easily) and drizzled it with extra virgin olive oil and then pan fried it til it was a bit crustier in the middle. I'm sure grilling or putting it in the oven would have the same kind of effect. Once it was done I added some sea salt and pepper.

I cut some plum tomatoes into chunks and then added tons of basil and some more EVOO. Let the flavours make out for awhile in the bowl.


So simple but man, they just go so well together. I wish I had a backyard so I could plant the tomatoes and basil together (because according to some people that makes the tomatoes absorb the scent of the basil and then they're even more delicious.) Man, I'm a Nonna already.

Add salt and pepper to the tomatoes right before topping the bread, because the salt releases the juices of the tomatoes and bruschetta is messy enough as it is.

And there you go. It's so easy and definitely hits the spot.












But, a craving is never satisfied without meat. (These sexual innuendos are really not done intentionally... usually.) I made a quick marinade with olive oil, red wine vinegar, some worsteshire (love saying that word) sauce, rosemary, oregano, thyme and salt and pepper. You can't really go wrong when you just throw in a bunch of flavours you like.


I threw it all into a ziploc and let it sit in the fridge for 3 hours while I made dessert.

Eventually, I indulged.

Who needs a barbecue when you have your magical Cuisinart grill. Really, the key to most meat is letting it sit before you jump in. The juices need to re-settle so just setting it in the plate with a loosely covered piece of tinfoil for 10 mins makes a huge difference. And yes, this one was amazing. But I'm easy to please.







Dessert was simple. I'm always making cupcakes for other people (and inevitably these will be handed off to others because keeping a dozen cupcakes in your home is never a good idea) so this time I did it for myself.


Double chocolate (i.e. chocolate batter with chocolate chunks) baked to perfection, if I do say so myself.

I split the icing half and half. Vanilla for 6 and mocha for the other 6.

This icing is my secret weapon. People become obsessed. It could also give you a coronary. So much butter and sugar should not be allowed, but has to be.



Quite, quite unhealthy.

Then I decided to try something new from scratch, coffee and cocoa powder just make it so easy. Whipped some cream and added ingredients til it tasted heavenly.

I want to lick my screen.













And voilà. Bruschetta, steak and cupcakes, a happy girl makes.

You might have to brush your teeth twice.

My friend makes the best tzatziki I have ever tasted and considering the success I have had recently with having people divulge their secret recipes, I tried for one more. And won.

I will now share the joy with you.

You will cheesecloth. It took me approximately 17 minutes to find it in the grocery store (like many of the male gender that I know, I don't ask for directions.) You'll also need a garlic press. Honestly, I don't know why you don't own one already.

Other than that you'll need 5 cloves of garlic (or less, if you're a pansy,) extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, half an English cucumber and plain yogurt (Mediterranean styles.)

First you will line a colander (or sieve, if that's what you call it) with cheesecloth and place it over a bowl. Pour the yogurt on top of the cheesecloth and let it sit for about an hour (I left it for 2 hours and it was still dripping) so as to get rid of all the water in the yogurt.

I was really surprised by how much water came out. After an hour the bowl looked like such:

And it was double that in double the time.

When you are satisfied, pour the yogurt into a bowl (or a container that you'll store it in when it's all finished.) Grate the cucumber and add it to the yogurt, but try and avoid adding the water from the cucumber into the yogurt or the entire straining process is basically useless.

It may look like a lot of cucumber but it's really not. Once it's all mixed in you don't even see any green.

Add the oil and salt and mix it well.












Then, crush the garlic til you can't crush it no more.



And then mix it all over again, make sure there aren't any chunks of garlic stuck together (unless you're into that sorta thing.)

Some people like to let it sit in the fridge for awhile but who could really resist enjoying it right away??



Yes, please.

He said you gave him a cavity.

Being one who likes to spoil (read: increase the chances of obesity) the masses with baked goods, I often bring things into my coworkers. My team alone has 20 people, and with an office of around 200 already hyper yet constantly sugar-hungry individuals I can never bring just one batch of anything. Screaming matches have ensued. Between grown adults.

I digress. Last week I brought in the best brownies in the world. They are my mom's secret recipe and it took me 24 years to con it out of her. Worth the wait. So rich that it takes a big (wo)man to handle more than one.



Oh mama. I brought in 60+ brownies and they were gone within 20 minutes.

I have to mention that there was a slight accident during the baking process. As I was lifting the second batch out of the pan there was a rupture. Oops. The casualties:



The 'accident' looks somehow even more delicious than the finished product.

I also made some jumbotastic cookies. Mini-chocolate chips + Skor bites = love.

It takes a lot, a LOT of self-control to not just go at this bowl with a spoon.

Alas, they made it to the end.



Someone asked me why I bother to bake for coworkers. Once I had delivered the goods to my team members I pointed out the smiling faces to said individual and said, "SEE!! They hate their lives when they're at work but if I can do one thing to make them smile and not commit suicide in front of me I WILL." I think he got the point.

Fromagerie.

Oh God, fresh baguettes. Nothing is better. NOTHING.



I have French bakeries both behind and in front of my apartment building so you can imagine how often I buy baguettes. Often. But one fine day I decided to throw a few things together and make one of the best little lunches I've ever had. (So good that the ingredients are in my fridge right now and awaiting consumption.)

So, cut open your baguette(s) and lay as much as you want of them open side up on a cookie sheet.



Gruyère. Grate as much as you see fit. There is never enough.



Then, leeks. Leeks are underrated by most and forgotten by many. Even half the cashiers at groceries stores have no idea what they are. You should start incorporating leeks into your life right now.

First, chop up and sauté the leeks in butter (or oil, if you roll that way- though I don't understand it) until they are soft. Add salt and pepper. Then let them cool in the bowl while you cut up the other ingredients.



Parsley and onion. You could use shallots or a different kind of onion, I just threw it what I like.
Once the leeks are cool, fold in the onions and parsley and then the cheese until it's all one big bowl of love.

Pile it onto the bread. Broil in the oven for a few minutes, as soon as it reaches the melted/golden/browned point that you desire.

And then... ugh just eat it all.



I'll be in the kitchen.

Shhhhhhoufflés

Intimidation is putting it lightly. I had this idea that making soufflé would just result in ramekins full of fallen hopes. I was wrong. As usual. To up my challenge I made my first soufflés with a 'advanced' recipe (according to Curtis Stone's opinion.)

According to my mother, it's all in the folding of the egg whites. Before I could even get to that, I had to get those egg whites to form 'stiff peaks'. That's not a sexual innuendo. Soft peak, stiff peak, I just want it to look like Julia Child did it herself. This is something that takes patience. Even with my magical best friend mixer (thanks, Kitchenaid) it took a lot longer than I expected. Eventually I got this result:



And that was good enough for me.

The concept of folding egg whites so just enough air gets in also scared the bejesus out of me. What if I folded too much? Or not enough? Baking is science. I never said I was a scientist.
Regardless, I forged on and the result was magical. Prior to making any of the actual soufflé, Curtis Stone instructed me to do all sorts of things. Like make a raspberry sauce that resulted in 2 cups of deliciousness but you only really need like 4 tablespoons to paint the inside of the ramekins. The bastard.

After pouring the batter in and putting them in the oven, I thought I had enough time to start cleaning up. Again, Curtis was pulling one over on me.



Not only had they risen, but the tops were already beyond golden and I was about to rip them out of the oven until the nightmares of the beauties smashing down came back to me. That didn't happen. I wasn't even gentle. I pulled them out and served them right away... I wish I had taken a picture of the inside. They were absolutely perfect. I would eat soufflé every day if I didn't have to deal with stiff peaks.



Why so fancy?

Sweet Cheek Baboushka

As much as I love baking, I don't usually eat much of what I create. I like to taste everything, but if I have more than one brownie or cupcake I feel a like exploding all over the place because I've been staring at the damn things from when they were ingredients to their final result. UNLESS we're talking about Russian Tea Cakes. I could eat 10 of them in one sitting (and then inevitably want to die) because they are just so damn amazing.

I'd only ever had them as a Christmas tradition thanks to a friend's mom, but this year decided to attempt the little Russian balls myself. It worked. And I found myself with yet another unhealthy addiction.



The trick is that you roll them around in confectioner's sugar right off the cookie sheet (goodbye fingertips) and the sugar melts into a glaze of killer sweetness, and then once their completely cooled you roll them around a second time just to ensure that everyone who indulges will suffer a coronary. The first time I made them with macadamia nuts ($$$$) but I've also used almonds and walnuts and of course they are just as delicious. The recipe is insanely simple (and can be found in most cookie recipe books or anywhere online) and they only bake for 7-8 mins.

As for something else I enjoy, sugar cookies.




I like them plain and without icing but certain people desire the extra blob of frosting on top. I concede to the masses.



I don't know why I decided to use cookie cutters for these ones, but I regretted it immediately. Other than the cute little stars it seems pretty lame making heart and flower-shaped cookies when they're for people in their mid-20s. I think next time I will stick with the simple round shape and the masses can deal with their disappointment by shoving another cookie in.

Cheese(cuppy)cakes

Cookies & cream is a pretty much irresistible flavour. Cheesecake is also irresistible. So are Oreos. See what I'm getting at? You put them all together and get cupcakes so delicious you just want to smash them into your face.

So when I took these out of the oven I was a little confuzzled as to why they looked a little odd.



I never said I was good in the kitchen. Regardless, they obviously have to sit for awhile in the fridge before they take on the heavenly consistency of cheesecake.

I brought these in to work for one reason or another (probably to avoid calling in sick and just laying in bed all day eating them and watching Generation Kill again) and it was if those people had never seen food before. People were coming to my desk and e-mailing me all day asking me to make more. Because... just when you think you've had so much magic in your mouth you just can't take it anymore...



There's a motherfucking Oreo cookie at the bottom!



Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Martha Stewart- 1, the world's desire to lower their caloric intake- 0.